Writing a beginning for your memoir is probably the last thing you should do. Often what happens is that we begin at the beginning and thus become inordinately attached to that beginning and will revise it up only after a lot of kicking and screaming. My advice is to revise it. After you've gotten to the end of your first draft, if you're like Hampl and most of us, then by the end of a first draft you've figured out your subject or at least approached it with some confidence. At that point you need to go back and revise the beginning to reflect this new insight into your subject.
To see how Wolff does a beginning for his memoir, This Boy's Life, let's first look at his "thank-you page". It's the page that starts out "I am especially grateful to . . . ". Look for it between the dedication and quotes pages. He says near the end: "[T]his is a book of memory, and memory has its own story to tell. But I have done my best to make it tell a truthful story." The idea that memory is somehow sentient connects to Hampl's idea that a memoir is like meeting a person and getting to know them. The more you are with that person (the more you revise the words) the more she (the work) becomes coherent and interesting. That’s to say: there is not a coherent self in the text to be revealed, but the text becomes more and more revelatory the more you work with it.
Wolff talks about memory from a slightly different perspective--from the end of this process of revelation. (The thank-you page appears at the beginning of his book while it must have been the last thing to be written. We wonder why?) But he gives memory a certain agency but reserves the right to control it--to "make it tell a truthful story".
As a reader we know that once we finish a book, we often return to the beginning to see what we missed that we could not have known for not yet having read the book. And this making-memory-tell-the-truth business is what Wolff has tried to do to his younger self who was as we've seen and will see a compulsive liar. Wolf has in effect given us his subject right here in the thank-you page.
When we open the memoir we are thrown into a scene on some road out West (just after the Continental Divide) where a mother and son (our narrator) have paused to wait for their car's radiator to cool down. A truck careens past them out of control; its brakes have failed. It falls out of sight and off the road shortly there after.
What do we know already from this opening paragraph and from what follows next? Of all the places to start talking about your "boy's life", Wolff picks an incident where a truck loses it's brakes and crashes. Why pick this scene? Well, it demonstrates something from the start about the boy's character. He is pretty much of an out of control narcissist--out for his own pleasure and reward. He twists his mother's concern for him into an opportunity to get what he wants from her. He wants the trinkets, the belt and moccasins, etc, and sees that the truck accident is moment to make a move to get them.
His mother misreads him. She imagines that he is traumatized while it is obvious from his lack of feeling (not his feigned reaction) for what has happened that he has no idea what it meant for the truck to crash into the ravine. Children don't have the experience or knowledge to know such things or at least they don't know them like adults typically know them. Toby is not stupid, he's just willful. He's constructed a world around his desires and if he gets what he wants he's happy. The child's inability to understand the reaction to such brazen wanting is the subject of the book. It becomes clear to him as we read on that others slowly start to understand him and this behavior of wanting what he wants when he wants it. And these adults have their own problems and refuse Toby's prevarications. And Toby does not for most of the memoir have a back-up plan and because he continues in various ways to "make a play for souvenirs", he comes to some grief.
Wolff lets his Toby character play out these acquisitive and mendacious tendencies to see where they lead. It's like he has his character pull a string that leads into the future which Wolff is pulling on his end as writer from the past. That string is what connects the two of them but the middle space can't have been clear at the beginning of the writing. It took Wolff letting the memory (of his boy, Toby) act on it's own while exerting control on it from his sense of adult self-knowledge. But this self-knowledge only became clear as the boy, Toby, starts to speak and to act in the book.
So far in the reading, there are several instances where Toby is selfish and fights to get his own way (such as when he convinces his mom to let him keep the rifle (31-32)). I agree that he is a selfish little boy who knows how to use the situation to his benefit (especially seen in the opening scene with the souvenirs), but I also believe it's unfair to say that Wolff as a child was a narcissist. In my opinion, a child is going to be selfish and he is smart enough to understand how to get what he wants in any situation, but I don't think a child can be labeled as a narcissist. At least in this case with Toby. Perhaps this is an insight Wolff found as he recalled his past and as he realized how truly selfish he was as a child. I do think the language surrounding these instances lead the reader to think the boy is a narcissist, but I also think that this is the adult Wolff bringing in his point of view of the past, as though he is ashamed and can't believe he was like this as a child. For instance, when Toby is asked to go to confessional and he can't think of anything to say, so he uses Sister James' past confessions in order to get out of something he is uncomfortable with (19-22). He doesn't necessarily have the intention to be manipulative; he simply does not like the situation and wants to get out of it. I think it's the adult language that Wolff uses that causes the reader to think of the boy in worse terms than a child would normally be thought of in. And maybe that's the point: to look back and realize the bigger consequences of his actions, even though he was just a child.
ReplyDeleteOkay, so(ooo) other than the tricky question of whether there are biological imperatives to preserve the human race encoded within us, we can all agree that we come into this world without an exacting sense of empathy, right? Chilluns, such as Kid-Wolff, center their existence completely around the self; it's possible we are inborn with a sense of right and wrong, but that doesn't necessarily override the desire to serve ourselves first and foremost. And I'm not talkin' 'bout the enlightened self sought after in various Eastern religions here, I'm talkin' 'bout the straight-up superficial, physical needs and wants version. We see these forces in conflict when Kid-Wolff goes--forcibly, of course--for the sacrament of confession. He's at a loss for what to say, and so substitutes another's sins for his own. I would like to pull out two theories from the INFINITUDE OF LITERARY SUBJECTIVITY to account for his actions, and they are: One, he knows that he's done wrong, but is incapable of expressing it due to shame. Two, he doesn't even recognize misdeeds for what they are, so warped by a broken home and bad role models is he. I find this to be more likely than shame, given that he confesses to pretty heinous actions for a child. He averages out theft from his mother, which he isn't even guilty of, to a year, thinking, "Yeah, that'll do, that's what he *wants* to hear." He wanted something to say to fulfill the confession, but doesn't count anything that he has done in pursuit of his self-wants as a transgressive act, and so has no sin to call upon. Given we're dealing with the real world, and the real world remains mixed paint and not stark, contrasting colours, it's probably a little of both peanut butter AND jelly (and probably something else) smooshed together. ...But hey, that's just my Sandwich of Interpretation.
ReplyDeleteWolff's ability to place the reader into the world of his younger self is quite remarkable. As we discussed in class, truth in memory and memiors can get a little fuzzy. While specific details may stray from the truth, Wolff seems to have captured truth in creating the essence of being a young boy. Certainly I grew up in a different decade and under different circumstances, but young Toby's narcissism rings true in my opinion. As adults we reflect on our younger days and we have an understanding of where our parents were coming from. As kids, however, we don't possess such an ability. Our only real concern is ourself, which is not an insult. Am I the only one who threw a temper tantrum because I couldn't have a new Spider-man action figure? Toby's actions, from persuading his mother into buying him Indian attire in the beginning of the book, to his lying about writing on the bathroom wall, to his unique way of obtaining his first bicycle, all display his childish narcissism. Toby does show the ability to reflect as well. One of the most moving contradictions in the book so far was when he became obsessed with his rifle, cleaning it, marching around with it, aiming it at various targets. When he finally gave into his impulses and shot the squirrel, he remembered crying throughout the night because the animal was dead. That's what it's like to grow up. At that age it's hard to conceptualize a result until it's actually staring you in the face. I'm looking forward to reading further and discovering more of Wolff's revelations.
ReplyDeleteIt's definitely interesting to read a memoir like Wolff's after reading one like Hampl's. As we discussed in class, it's difficult to write vicariously through the mind of a child without sounding like an adult. Both authors portray their past child likeness as a juvenile on the surface with a mature, imaginative wordsmith underneath. Like Wolff says: "...I have done my best to make it [his memory] tell a truthful story." So the mature side of a juvenile character is bound to come out, especially while writing from memory. But that's exactly what a memoir is: a bunch of semi-memorized drafts of one's own history. And when I use "semi-memorized" I mean that some memories aren't always going to turn out the same way on paper as the way they were seen in real life. Both Wolff and Hampl kind of apologize, more so explain their reasoning, for this occurrence. After reading Dr. Archibald's post I came to the conclusion that I would have never guessed the truck accident was a symbol for Toby's out of control behavior. But I think it's also a symbol for how he wants to change his life. The truck crashes and burns; Toby's name crashes and burns, and then becomes: "Jack, 10-year-old scoundrel from Utah." His mother even plays along with it. She wants to change her life as well, and what better a way then changing her son's name to spite her greedy ex-husband and moving to another state to get rich quickly. At the same time, I find it fascinating how Wolff can still write from the perspective of a narcissistic child who cares not about the crashing truck or its symbolic foreshadowing but rather if he can guilt trip his mother into buying his knick knacks.
ReplyDeleteI find this memoir such an easy read. There’s not much going on, but I’m intrigued with what Toby is going to be doing next; what adventures he’ll find himself in, how he’s going to get away from his lies, how he is going to manipulate his poor mother again. However, with that said, I find also find myself disliking Toby. I find it absolutely awful that he takes his tough life for advantage, but then I think of society—a big part of society does that nowadays. But, I won’t get into that; I digress. A part of me envies that he doesn’t quite have a guilty conscience, and he weasel his way through anything. This really peaked with me when he wrote the obscenity in the boy’s bathroom, and when his mother came to get him and stood up for him—when in fact, there were all sorts of evidence poking the finger at Toby. Personally, I wouldn’t be able to have my mother stand there and defend me and think that I’m an angel child, when she is actually making a fool out of herself. It was at that point, I got extremely angry at Toby. For a majority of the other instances, I could let it slide.
ReplyDeleteHowever, with that said, I also got extremely angry at Dwight with how he handled Toby and his lying. Backing him into a corner like that, I found very distasteful. The writer/narrator definitely has a way to make the reader sympathize, and that’s what I do. From the other perspective, I can most certainly see why Dwight would do that—Toby’s lying is outrageous and essentially ruining his mother, by constantly sticking up for his disrespectful self.
At this point of the memoir, I am interesting to see when Toby eventually fall. Normally these sorts of habits totally hit rock bottom, and therefore we see the character will have to rise out of the depths and change their ways. I have a feeling that Dwight will be a part of his fall because of how manipulative Dwight is, while Toby’s mother once again, will help him out of the hole he dug for himself.
Also, I am thankful for the advice on how to write/lack of writing of the beginning of the memoir. I’m a person that gets caught up in how I’m going to present, that I feel like the memoir will need to be taken in an opposite than usual manner.
I definitely agree with Meredith in thinking that this book pulls you in.
ReplyDeleteWolff handles the child in his memoir very differently then Hampl. Hampl gives us a young, innocent and naïve version of herself. What we get from Wolff is Toby who is devious and conniving. It’s a stark contrast.
I can’t decide if I think of Toby as a narcissist. While he certainly does take advantage of his mother, a part of me wants to believe he’s just a child. I’m sure that those traits will lead him to become a full-blown narcissist later in his life. What concerns me the most about Toby is his pathological lying. The scene that really stuck out to me the most was after he is caught writing cuss words on the wall at school. He says that while defending himself to the principal, he even begins to convince himself of his innocence. The idea of a liar being able to lie so well he can believe them is a little concerning. It makes me wonder what Wolff is trying to show us through his constant lying.
I enjoy the idea of not writing the beginning of a memoir first. As a writer, I tend to focus a lot, and stress over, how to begin any given piece. The idea that the story itself will allow me to decide how I want to begin the piece is interesting.
I absolutely think that Wolff's child character comes off as a narcissistic. I think though, like you pointed out, that this has a lot to do with how Wolff as an author creates his child's voice. I believe that he writes this in a way that Toby comes off as narcissistic to the audience, because we are seeing it through the lens of reflection and looking at the past. However for Toby, this attitude and way of thinking about his life is less intentional and more childish, which comes through in scenes like the one with Toby and the principal.
DeleteWhat's interesting to me so far about Wolff's memoir is how conscious young Toby is of his identity issues. He is aware that he doesn't really know who he is yet. He says, "Because I did not know who I was, any image of myself, no matter how grotesque, had power over me." Perhaps he feels this way because of his family situation and how his mother and him are always on the move. By the end of the assigned reading, Toby is sick of who he became in Utah, "Jack", and who he was in Seattle and wants another change. He is sick of his hoodlum friends and all the people " who made up their minds" about him. He wants to introduce himself as an athlete and a boy of "dignity and consequence." He sees no problem in people believing him if he believes it himself. I'm not sure if his lying is just an extension of his identity problems or if it's something more serious. However, it's interesting that at such a young age he is searching for an identity and is so aware of it. It's like he's creating identities just to see if one works or sticks. Again, this might be because of his family and home life.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I found Toby's relationship with his mother very interesting. He can get away with his lying and his bad behavior because his mother doesn't discipline him. She was disciplined harshly by her father, and she sees no need in re-living that by doing the same to Toby. However, it's interesting that she won't discipline Toby like her father did to her, but will go out with men who are abusive like her father. Though Toby lies to her and does awful things behind her back, and everyone tells her so, she still stands up for him. Though they're close, his mom won't admit to knowing all the shady things that Toby does. However, she is very much like Toby. She wants to start a new life, too, but keeps getting sucked back into relationships with lousy men.
Like some of the others have posted, I too also stress out about beginnings when I start writing. If it doesn't just come to me, I usually get pretty frustrated. It's helpful to keep in mind that the story will inform how the memoir should begin.
After reading Wolff and this blog entry, I found out how important the beginning of a memoir can be and that it is best obtained once you have completed the memoir and distinguished your focal point. As you pointed out, Wolff began with the scene of the truck’s breaks failing and going out of control, which seems to foreshadow the path of the story. He then shifts to show how he is willing to play off of other emotions and is only happy when he gets what he wants. After having written a short imitation memoir, I would be able to go back and write a better beginning after reading this information. I have always been a proponent of writing my introductions/ beginnings at the end once I find the direction I have moved in my writing.
ReplyDeleteI also found the aspect of writing letters of what he wanted his life to be like very interesting. It allows the reader to get into the head of Toby and see what he wants from life and how he feels life has wronged him.
One of the things I found interesting on the thank-you page was when Wolff writes "this is a book of memory, and memory has it's own story to tell." This struck me because I found that to be a compelling and true statement- memory and reality are two different things. Not to say that memory is false, but that sometimes the memories live differently in our heads. I think they can be molded based on our emotions over time and therefore we tell our own "story" or narrative of the event.
ReplyDeleteIt was interesting to see that a lot of people took the first scene as one that paints Tobey as a narcissist. I think I had the same problem as Danielle that I had a hard time viewing a child as a narcissist, and wrote off that first scene as just a child taking advantage of their parent's emotions because they are too naïve too fully grasp the situation-but am I giving this boy too much credit here? His adult self seems fully aware that he took advantage of the situation and his child self seems like he brushes off the accident and sees the opportunity for gain here. I found the narcissism to be something that became more apparent once you learn more about Tobey. The part where we as the reader first witness Tobey lying, taking Sister James's sins and using them as his own to the priest, had me really taken aback. The first reason being that Tobey does seemingly without a single thought given to the lies he is telling. It hits the reader out of nowhere. The second reason is just the question that hit me, why did he feel compelled to lie? He was obviously was not a perfect kid, so why was he taking someone else’s sins rather than confessing to his own. The way that he doesn’t think about it and how automatic it is for him to do that tell you that this probably isn’t the first time he has lied. I feel like there are a lot of self esteem issues at hand here that are not apparent to young Toby, but to the author (older Toby) and the reader. He comes from a dysfunctional family- a father who is in his life, yet not really apart of it and a mother who is drawn to these controlling and abusive men. Him not wanting to confess his own sins may be a sign of shame about himself/ his life that he covers up with by lying.
First, consulting the "thank you" page, Wolff lets his audience know that this is a book of his memory. That being said he still tells the audience that it has been fact checked many times, errors have been corrected (mostly chronology errors). Something I liked about this page was that Wolff feels the need to tell us about minor discrepancies that his readers have had with his points. He says, "Also my mother thinks that a dog I described as ugly was actually quite handsome." I feel Wolff is being somewhat sarcastic here but it does a good job of telling his audience right away that what you read is the best obtainable story he can remember.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't help but feel like our character is a bit of a crazy person starting his memoir out with such a horrific event. After reading Dr. Archibald's blog and continuing reading the memoir it becomes quite apparent that Toby may have a "screw loose". We find out Toby deceives his mother, using the truck wreck as his distraction, and steals trinkets from the Grand Station. Very interesting way Wolff introduces himself to his audience but it has caught my attention.
Lastly, I have never been able to start a paper without having some sort of introduction first. It will be something I will be experimenting with throughout the semester because I feel like with memoir writing you really don't know your whole message until you are finished.
I also have to agree with Meredith on how much his memoir sucked in the reader. I found myself relating a great deal to Toby in his behaviors as an adolescent. I would always try to lie, plead, and coerce my mother into buying me things or getting my own way. I think that’s just a part of growing up. However, in the case of Toby he does get a little too out of control, as symbolized by the truck crash. He most certainly displays narcissistic tendencies, being on the border of being a pathological liar, rebellious actions, and in some cases lacks the ability to empathize. I think this can all be a part of growing up though, especially in his case of constantly being on the move from one place to the next, fleeing his father and living with a mother in the pursuit of dwindling fortune. I’ve had so many times where I’ve asked for things from my parents even though we could not afford them, but sometimes a child just can quite understand the importance of a dollar but can fully understand the love of a parent.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand though a great deal of Toby’s actions are what I consider too selfish to be a part of growing up. Actions such as asking for and obtaining his bicycle, the bathroom incident, his lying to the priest, and even his mailings to the Mickey Mouse Club can be seen as despicable behavior. I find it worst that he can come across as an angel to his mother through lying even though he has done devilish actions. However, I think one of the biggest reasons he’s able to get away with this sort of behavior with his mother is because she is drawn to tyrant men that do horrible things to her. It almost makes his mother say her head, “All these men are bastards, but my child can do no wrong.” Toby is essentially all that she has left and if she were to lose him then she would have nothing. This also sparks Toby’s narcissistic tendencies because he knows he can get away with such actions because his mother will only see him in the best of light and she is only looking to make his and their life together the most meaningful it can be.
Overall, as I was reading through This Boy’s Life I found myself being drawn into the characters and the plot development. Not too sound cliché, but I look forward to continue reading memoirs after this because I have never done so in the past.
-Todd Breitenbach